April Madness 2020

Hey everybody,

I know, it’s been forever. To be honest … I didn’t wanna write a blog post with all the crazy going on because I didn’t want it to come across as  a downer or a lecture. That said, my annoying editor, I’m looking at you, Katie!, insisted it was about time I wrote something/anything.

I don’t think anybody expected 2020 to turn out like this. I’ve heard a few interesting and surprisingly accurate descriptions of the current situations. 

  • That we somehow all got sucked into a Stephen King novel (poor guy even apologized to those that felt that way!).
  • That Avenger’s Infinity Wars was a sort of prophecy and that Covid-19 is our real-life version of Thanos.

Frankly, I don’t know which one scares me more … 

Yeah, okay, that’s a lie. What WOULD scare me is living in the U.S. right now. Thank fuck, I don’t. I may question some of the measures taken (or not taken) over here, but the way they are dealing with the outbreak itself is not in question. 

Now, Virus depression aside, I’ve got NEWS! 

I submitted the short I was writing for the PNR Anthology – Fated Souls – and it’s titled: Dark Desires. Now, I haven’t heard anything from the publisher about it yet. However, I am 85% sure my weirdness will stand out since one of my series’ antagonists is the focus and it’s from his POV. 

I have heard that the anthology is being prepped for ARC copies. It was supposed to be released on the 3rd of April but with all the madness of lockdowns, etc, it was pushed back. I’ll let you all know once I have more info on the release, pre-order and buy links! 

Until then you can feast your eyes on the cover:

Stay home, stay safe, don’t give in to panic, but be reasonable! And most of all … 

The Chocolatiest Day of the Year is here!

Hey folks!

Time sure flies…
Everywhere you turn, it’s been nothing but chocolates and cakes for the past few weeks, and now here it is: Valentine’s Day.
The thing is, this day splits the world in half.

Those that look forward to it.
Vs.
Those that dread it.

Mind you; I’ve got nothing against the day or the sentiment. Personally, I think we shouldn’t drop chocolate bombs on those we cherish once a year. You love someone, show them! Hell, even if you just want to say thanks to a friend for being in your corner, don’t wait for a designated day.

That being said, my issue is with the endless advertising weeks ahead of the event. But that’s true for all holidays and just had me personally on tenterhooks.

As usual, I’m in yammering mode, feel free to ignore it!
Anyway, point being: Whether you hate or love the day, there’s no arguing with what it stands for.

Just kidding, well… maybe…. and telling people how you feel.

Stay true to yourself.

Species jumping the divide

Hey folks!

It’s been two weeks, and boy have I got thoughts!

2020 has sure managed to start off in a rather… enchanting fashion if you ask me! First, I get some bad, but not surprising news, on the home front. Then the whole planet jumps into a mass panic about the Corona Virus. 

Mind you; I haven’t heard anything about it being over here. That said, I do know it’s spreading fast and is already in a lot of countries, including where I have friends. 

I wanted to take the time and tell you all to take reasonable precautions. Please don’t go around spreading more panic. That’s not going to help anybody! 

Now, virus and whatnot aside, I have something else burning a hole in my tongue (and fingers!). 

I am honestly sick and tired of reading about racism and bigotry and all the misplaced anger and prejudice. 

Get.

A.

GRIP! 

If predators and prey can accept, bond, and love each other. Two species that were never meant to, if you listen to some people talk… Two species on opposite ends of the food chain, then why can’t we humans do it? 

Caucasian, African, Middle Eastern, Asian. 

Buddhist, Muslim, Christian, Jew, Wiccan. 

Tall, short, blond, brunette.

Straight, Gay, Transgender, Pansexual.

WHO THE HELL CARES?! 

We live. We breathe. We eat. We feel. 

Then again, what do I know? I’m just a dumb black sheep dumped between two worlds. I couldn’t possibly understand what one or the other is like… oh, wait! That’s exactly what gives me the right to say it because I was raised in two very different cultures. I was taught to see both sides. To see both the good and the bad

And guess what? Religion isn’t the bad guy, and it’s the few that use it to justify themselves. But that doesn’t mean everyone should be punished for it. 

The same goes for a person’s skin color or sexual orientation. Neither of which is a choice! You don’t choose to be born! What you can choose is who makes you happy! 

Stay true to yourself!

Humans are without a doubt the strangest creatures.

Hey everybody!

I know it’s been a few days since my last post. Between writer’s block and plain old fatigue, I’ve been feeling… meh. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking today, and I’ve got to say: it still feels weird.

So, here’s the thing:

A year ago, new neighbors moved in next door. Over the years, I learned to trust my instincts when it comes to people. Now, here’s this couple, second day after they moved in, the wife rings the doorbell. Which, I honestly hate, because the damn thing is just way too loud!. But anyway, I open up and she’s all smiles and friendly and seems downright neighborly as she asks if my mother is around.

The thing is this: we had put our old washing machine outside, wanting to move it somewhere else to use, since we got a new one for the house. They move in and just take the thing without asking, so my mother went over to tell them it wasn’t theirs to take.

Anywho, one look at her smiling face and alarm bells start going off in my head, I can’t put my finger on it, but something’s telling me she’s a total fake. I tell my mother much. A few weeks go by and I start thinking maybe I’m paranoid. Maybe there isn’t anything to worry about. Maybe – for once – we hit the jackpot and got nice neighbors.

Eeeeeh… wrong.

It started with her telling my mother she got her husband to marry her by putting him in prison until he agreed to it. (Not kidding!)

Then, she goes on to tell my mother I have nothing better to do than run to the door whenever any of the neighbors (upstairs or hers) bell rings. The kicker here is, she specifies that I open the door to see who it is. EVERY. TIME!

Now, during that time, between her and the upstairs neighbor, the bells went off 10+ times a day.

Didn’t stop there though. She goes on to tell mum I have men coming over, knocking the door at odd times in the day. Mind you, it’s the company driver bringing me back the bills from deliveries he made, and considering she describes to my mother what the guy is wearing and how I only stretch my hand through the door… I ask you: who’s spying on who?

Manipulative.

Remorseless.

Ruthless.

Working off her own agenda.

And boy can she turn on the waterworks in seconds. She can turn them off just as fast, too.

Hell, she even turned her family against each other to get them to turn on one of her brothers so that she can get his daughter.

You’re probably wondering what my point is by now, if I even have one or if I’m just venting. Both, actually.

True, I had to vent.

But I also have a reason for posting this. Two, to be perfectly honest.

The first being, the old saying that truth is stranger than fiction holds merit more often than not.

The second, trust your instincts. You may not know the reason right then and there, but there’s always a reason. If your gut is screaming to watch out, don’t let your guard down. Trust is easily broken and regret is a powerful thing.

Stay true to yourself.

Last… but not least. #Poems #WritingCommunity #7

Hey everyone!

You still curious? Haven’t scared you off yet? Oh, good! Here’s to another trip down memory lane. To be honest, posting them kind of stings. Of course, these days, I avoid humans altogether – apart from a select few. And I’ve learned to tell when I’m being BS’ed. Most times I’m right. It’s gotten a lot easier to distinguish the fakes.

Anywhere, here you go:

Everything is so fierce,
so cold, so abandoned,
Why is life so wicked?
Why are you all gone?
WHY??

All those years,
All this time,
All those moments,
did everything together
and now, no longer….
Why are you all gone?
Why can’t we ever meet again?

No way to see you guys again,
lost forever, no way to laugh again.
Why are you gone?
Why did you leave me alone?
Why doesn’t anyone see the truth?
Why doesn’t anyone see me falling,
shouting in agony, why…?

Everything is so fierce,
so cold, so abandoned,
Why is life so wicked?
Why are you all gone?
WHY??

People see what they want to see
People see me as a freak,
Why don’t they see the truth?
Why don’t they hear the pain?
Why don’t they see the wounds, the scars?
WHY?

Close your eyes,
live in an illusion,
block the things you don’t want to see,
is that what people are taught?
Then why were you all so different?
Why am I so different?
Why are you gone?
Why is it left, just it….?

Everything is so fierce,
so cold, so abandoned,
Why is life so wicked?
Why are you all gone?
WHY??

Memories keep me from falling…..

Stay true to yourself.

Passage of time. #poem #WritingCommunity #6

Hey Nerdfolk!

Hope you’re doing good! New Year’s resolutions still going strong, or did already throws those out?

And now, with considerably less fanfare, I present to you the next stop in Teen Wackoville:

So much time has passed
So much has happened
So many people have come,
brought joy and pain, happiness and anger.
Yet I’m alive, but will it end????
I don’t know….

Time to think
Time to feel
Time to trust
Will I get hurt again?
Will I be happy again??
I don’t know……

When will it be?
When will it end?
When will life give it all a chance?
Will it happen?
I don’t know, for I don’t get an answer…..

Time to think
Time to feel
Time to trust
Will I get hurt again?
Will I be happy again??
I don’t know……

The change of light and darkness.
The flow of time passes by…..untouched.
The feelings stay no matter how long it takes or how far we are.
Caught in the shyness of life,
unable to tell each other what is wrong
laughing, talking, joking with each other,
but crying on the inside,
for the stupidity eats us.

Time to think
Time to feel
Time to trust
Will I get hurt again?
Will I be happy again??
I don’t know……

No idea what to do…..

Stay true to yourself.

When things get tough. #poem #WritingCommunity #5

What’s up, Doc?

Another day in January, another poem from the ancient days of my madness. I’m not going to go into detail on the rest. At least not too much, since most of them consist of me wallowing in self-pity and wonder why the fuck people enjoy stabbing me in the back so damn much.

All are gone
I’m alone in the fog
left behind, abandoned
Then I hear your voice,
calling me in the dark
Is it true, or just an illusion?

Held back by a voice,
A feeling I thought no longer existed
The touch of your hand,
The look of you,
The warmth of your words.
Why did you stay?
All others are gone.

Don’t know what to say,
Don’t know how to react,
Don’t know what to think,
Didn’t think someone would stay
to get me, give me the support I need.

All are gone
I’m alone in the fog
left behind, abandoned
Then I hear your voice,
calling me in the dark
Is it true, or just an illusion?

All these years have passed
Noone left to hold me,
to save me…..except you.
Is it true or just an illusion?
What will happen to you….
If I do what I came for???
If I die…..

Stay true to yourself.

Trust, a hard lesson learned. #poems #WritingCommunity #4

Nerds and Nerdettes,

To pick up where we left off yesterday, I thought I’d explain why the school put me on suicide watch. Like I said in my first post, I didn’t hide my writing and showed it to teachers. And when writing in a ‘foreign’ language, it makes sense to go to the teacher of that subject who knows you most, right? Wrong! Not only did she tell on me to the principal and call me suicidal, but she also said it was terrible writing (fair enough). But she didn’t stop there! A few days before I gave it her we got our grades for the oral portion of that quarter, and I got an A, after showing her the poem, I never got better than a C.

What could possibly be that bad?

Time is an illusion,
Faith is just a word,
Fate a way of life,
Life just temporary,
Matters not important,
Feelings just a way to waste the illusion,
Right or wrong just ways to live,
Hope does not exist,
Born into darkness, dying in darkness,
 
The lonely wanderer tries to find a way into light by the feeling called
love,
But yet stays lonely in the darkness behind…..
Weak
Abandoned
Hurt……
 
There is NO way out,
For there is NO way in…..
It just happens,
unexpected and has no meaning,
Because all that happens on earth is temporary and therefore of no matter.

Time is an illusion,
Faith is just a word,
Fate a way of life,
Life just temporary,
Matters not important,
Feelings just a way to waste the illusion,
Right or wrong just ways to live,
Hope does not exist,
Born into darkness, dying in darkness,
 
There is NO way out….
Caught in the darkness of life……
Til you die………!!

This, apparently! Oddly enough, I showed it to two other teachers after that. Both not only praised but encouraged me to keep going. Hell, they’d even come and ask me about it if I went a few weeks without showing them something!

Stay true to yourself!

How to shut up a Shrink. #poems #WritingCommunity #3

Salutations nerds!

On today’s menu is a little number that’s caused me immeasurable delight ever since I penned it. Mainly because what I ended up using it for still has me in stitches to this day!

Picture this:

I’m sitting in biology with my partner in crime, that particular was weird, to be honest. I’d gotten an iPod and brought it with me. We were sitting in class and given an assignment. Both of for some reason couldn’t process a word written on the paper. I get a nudge under the table, and she whispers to me to pull out my new toy.

Sure, why not? I do. We each take an earbud, press play, and… magic. Suddenly the glyphs on the paper transform into words causing us to start writing like mad. And yes, the teacher saw us, but let it slip since we were working.

Anyway, after that was done, something clicked in my weird-ass brain. Maybe it was the band we had on. Maybe it was the topic in class; I can’t for the life of me put my finger on it. Whatever it was opened the floodgates and I started scribbling away. Five minutes later, I had a page full of words, not biology-related in the slightest.

Normal is the word, that brings the darkness
Normal is the word everyone uses
Normal is the word no one knows the definition of
Normal is the norm everyone holds on to
Normal is the way life should be, but NOTHING in life really is.

I have a broken personality
I am what everyone calls abnormal
I am the way no one wants to be
I am a dead soul, torn into pieces
by the ones who call themselves normal….

Broken so many times by life itself
Made a mask of feelings, that are long lost
Called a freak by others, just ’cause of the way
I show what I can’t feel anymore
hope….love….happiness no longer part of me.
Sadness, death, darkness is all that is left.

Normal is the word, that brings the darkness
Normal is the word everyone uses
Normal is the word none knows the definition
Normal is the norm everyone holds on to
Normal is the way life should be, but NOTHING in life really is.

Normal is a word
Life a metaphor
death a relief, always part of life
why can’t i be part of death?
Nothing left to lose
Soul and hope were lost…..long ago!

The funny thing is: a few days later, someone knocks on the door at home. The woman tells my mother the school recommended I see a shrink since they suspect I have suicidal tendencies…

Soooo, off to the shrink we go. Thus begins the mindnumbing interrogation. At some point, the guy tells me it’s not normal to write what I do. See where this is going? So, my smug 18-year-old self is triggered, I smell blood and go right for the kill. Lean back, look him in the eye and quote:

Normal is the word, that brings the darkness
Normal is the word everyone uses
Normal is the word no one knows the definition of
Normal is the norm everyone holds on to
Normal is the way life should be, but NOTHING in life really is.

His eyes bug out, his jaw drops, and he goes: that’s what I studied. I snort and reply I didn’t need to study to figure that out. He tells me to wait outside to talk to mum alone. On the way home, she tells me he said I had built a wall around myself, refusing to let people in, but that I had the IQ of a 24-year-old.

*mic drop*

First and only time I ever saw a shrink.

Stay true to yourself.

And into abyss we fall… #poems #WritingCommunity #2

Hey guys,

After tearing off the bandaid yesterday, I might as well tear off another one. Though, in fairness, this one’s healed up pretty good. In fact, the event inspiring this poem set off an eye-opening snowball effect.

Here goes:

Betrayed me the moment you had the chance to..
never to turn back to me….
Am I the only one looking back?
Need I forget the past?

How could it come this far…
was all just a lie…
All those years of friendship, trust, fun and love?

Do you ever look back and regret?
Or was it all just a was of time for you?….

All these years wasted…yet seems did not pass,
seem to still be the same, though both have changed so much.
Afraid it could break all in a moment, as so much in life does…

The time we had the things we did,
Do you remember the fun we had?
The things we went through, the scoldings from the teachers.
The punishments we had to endure..?

The running we had…the blood that was spilt …
The times ended too sudden, 10 years were lost…
Yet never a day passed I didn’t think of the past.  
Think of the days we spent together…

All these years wasted…yet seems did not pass,
seem to still be the same, though both have changed so much.
Afraid it could break all in a moment, as so much in life does…

Can it be true…
Things just go through
Time passes
Leaves its marks
And yet.


This is one of the few where I couldn’t write after it happened but had to let a little time slip by. Last one was about friends. Now we’re a lot closer to home, literally. I have two cousins I did most everything with since were kids whenever we were together. Playing video games, sports, playing pranks, reading stories in phony accents, running off to the mall. You name it, and we did it.

To me, they were more like sisters. Well… fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…

Everything started to unravel because I refused to play … let’s call it matchmaker. After going off to university, the elder of the two took to calling me every day. Mind you; she was in a different country! She’d talk for something like two hours, every day asking me the same questions over and over and over. And no, it wasn’t about me or how I was doing. It was always about my – then – boyfriend and what we were doing. During one of set calls, she asked me to hop a plane during the upcoming holidays to help her get a boyfriend.

I declined and sited the following reasons:

  1. Me giving her a push would do nothing if she didn’t have the courage to do it herself
  2. It wasn’t exactly going to make a good impression on the guy if I sat there yapping away and she just fumbled.
  3. I wasn’t going to get in trouble with her parents if word got out I helped.

Next thing I know, I get ignored by everyone in the family. Turns out, little miss told everyone I was whoring around to cover her own ass.

Needless to say, there was no point in the black sheep trying to set the record straight.

Stay true to yourself.