A trip down memory lane #NewYears #WritingCommunity #poems

Hey everybody!

Hope you all made it safely into the new year, survive the holiday dramas and are able to stick to those resolutions! Here’s hoping I do…

So, a few weeks ago, I had a crazy idea. Yes, one of many. (Diana… ssshhhh)

As those that follow my madness, boring as it is, know I used to write poems back in school. Like a lot of teens resorting to that particular medium, they were pretty dark. Unlike most, I didn’t hide them. I actually showed them to my mum and a few teachers in the hopes of having them proofread.

Getting to the point, back then, I chickened out at having them published in a book. (There was a contest, and the best would be released as well as win something like 500 Euro, or so, I don’t remember exactly.)

That said, the idea I had was to start the new year off by remedying that lapse in judgment (or so it’s been dubbed) and post one of them each day (for a week) with the backstory to how it came to paper.

Let’s dive right in, shall we?

No where to go,
No where to stay,
No where to heal,
No where to hide,
No where to find IT again.

Gone for all times,
Left behind in the dark,
Turned into a mask by the pain,
Gathered in me all these years,
Thinking about death each day,
Yet, know what it means – not ready for it.

Times change, but the pain doesn’t,
Times change, but the people who cause pain don’t…

Pain is part of life,
But why does it change people so much?
Why do I change more an’ more without
The possibility to do something against it…?
Why, why does life hurt so much?

Never wanted to go this far,
Yet forced to,
See what will happen, when I change my ways –
My ways of living this fucking life,
Be happy with your damn result!
’cause I’m not!

Times change, but the pain doesn’t,
Times change, but the people who cause pain don’t…

This little number is from October ’07. And to be honest, it still hurts. This one cut deep because the situation leading up to it blindsided me. That day had been pretty standard. Wake up, jump in the shower, let the dog out after getting dressed. Run to the bus stop. Survive the school day, come home and jump on ICQ to catch up with my bestie before drowning in homework. Or so I thought, anyway.

A few months earlier, on my birthday, my bestie and two other friends were all excited about becoming cheerleaders. Little did I know that was the beginning of the end. We’d make plans, and I’d take the train down to meet them, wait for hours without a word from either. Rinse and repeat a few times. Until that fateful day where my greeting was met with the words: You know, you’re nothing more than a distant acquaintance.

Eight years of doing everything together: poof. Over what? Getting to put on miniskirts and prance in front of guys while holding pompoms.

A few months later I ran into the youngest of our former group. She bumped into me, looked back at me and stared right through me like I wasn’t even there.

Anyway, lesson learned. In more ways than one.

Stay true to yourself.

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